It’s been a few weeks that I’ve been sitting at home… I fractured one of my fingers a few weeks ago which made things a little harder to do and manage. So I’ve taken a bit of a rest, worked on my website, planned my next workshop, but have taken it easy really.
Today, I went to see my Doctor to get an exemption so I can keep doing my other job that I love doing (teacher’s aide) and when I showed him my finger, he said that I was going to lose my nail soon. I was wondering if that was going to happen. It’s pretty bruised and still very sensitive but I was hoping the bruise would just go away…
Next week, my little one is turning eight, which is totally amazing. My baby turning eight! How did that happen? It also means that I won’t be as supported by the government financially speaking and that is going to change quite a few things in my life. The safety net is being removed and even though I knew this date was coming, it all came way too fast for my liking! Don’t get me wrong, I’m super stoked to see my little growing up and evolving before my eyes, but it was also comfortable knowing that my rent was covered no matter what.
At first, I started losing sleep over it. I’m not the best sleeper since I became a mother. Before that, I could sleep anywhere and for as long as I needed. Motherhood broke me into the lightest sleeper on Earth and every little noise wakes me up. The thing is, waking up is one thing… Going back to sleep is another! Luckily, I have got amazing herbal remedies that can help now and then but I don’t want to depend on any substance in order to sleep every night, so I only take them occasionally. Lying there for hours, meditating, breathing deeply and sending good affirmations in the field helped me to not get too worked up and getting up a few hours later not completely exhausted.
But the main thing that keeps me relax and helps me stay sane is trust. If I have trust that the universe is fully supporting me at any given time, there is no need for worry. Of course, it can be easily said than done, but with practise, this return to trust comes more and more naturally to me and is slowly becoming second-nature. I have never been in huge financial struggles. I have been in rocky relationships and wondering how to escape for many years, but never was I in denial of the state of my heart and my emotional world. I know, deep down that I’m going to be ok. I know that the universe, God, Source, is always looking out for me. It doesn’t mean that challenges won’t come my way and that life will always be easy, but I try to invite each challenge as a blessing for my own evolution. What is there for me to learn? How can I grow from this experience? What would the best version of myself do in this situation?
I have learned to follow my heart, but also my gut. Sometimes, they are in contradiction and it’s not always simple to determine which one should be in the driver’s seat. But if I can find stillness and can sit with myself, I always have access to this place of knowing. We know. We all do. If we take the time to stop and breathe consciously. So what don’t we do it more I hear you say? Well, I don’t have an answer to that… It looks like as human beings, we love to sabotage ourselves and our ultimate dreams. Until we had enough and we can return to trust. If I can sit long enough with myself, I know that I am so much bigger than this human body. My spirit is limitless and all opportunities are accessible and available to bring back in the 3D. When life gets busy again, it’s easy to forget and return to being a slave to the system , and soon enough, we start feeling depressed. If life is so busy that there is no time to stop, then depression is only gonna get bigger and that is when, a lot of people reach for anti-depressant. I consider myself lucky that I never went to that place. I have never let life getting so busy that I can’t reconnect to source and stop to find myself again. But for the ones who have, or who are in this position right now, know that this too shall change. It is all impermanent and this state of depression is only an indication of how far you’ve come apart from your true self. There is only one way from there: the way home. How do you find the way? Through Trust!
Trust that you are so much more than this human body. Trust that you are a spirit having a human experience. Trust that each step you take is being supported by the universe, and trust that if you take some steps in the so-called wrong directions, it’s only for you to grown and evolve from your mistakes. Trust that each decision is only going in one direction for as long as its needed. If that doesn’t feel right, well, you can always make another choice! Nothing is set in stones and your guts (or your heart) are telling you if you have drifted too far, then return to a better judgment and turn the other way. Forgive yourself along the way and trust that it happened for a good reason. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time… Soon enough, you’ll be able to look back and go: “Oh!… this is why it happened!”. But for this to occur, you need to trust and be willing to take the time to look back and re-examine.
If you have trust, I believe nothing can take you off centre in life. The ground might seem a bit wobbly for a while, but you know that no matter what, you feel be fine in the end. In knowing that the worse that could potentially happen to you (this human body) is death, how can this affect you if you know that your spirit will only continue its journey? When you live with the cycles of the Earth, you develop this deep inner knowing that we are part of it all. Therefore, our own death is only a representation of what the winter solstice is for the cycle of a calendar year. There is rebirth, there is regrowth, and even though it might not be in the same human form, the cycle will continue on, and your spirit will never die. And that is why I have the deepest trust. I hope you can cultivate this too.
Happy Winter Solstice dear ones and wishing you the most incredible cycle ahead!
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